My life, my journey - Day 1

For the last several years I have battled several chronic health conditions.  I will get into each one independently in separate blog posts, but over time each one of them has dragged me down, physically, financially, and most of all emotionally.  I have hidden the true toll of what these illnesses have done to me.  You can see on the outside the weight I have gained from the medicines I have had to take, but what you can't see is how I feel on the inside.  You can't see the physical pain.  You can't see the emotional pain.  You can't see how much it hurts to be me every. Single. Day.  To get up every day and smile as though nothing hurts. To be there for everyone else.  You can't see what goes on in my head every day.  If you could you would wonder how I get up every day.  You would wonder how I have managed to work a full-time job, let alone work a 2nd part-time job.

Two people know a lot of what I am going through.  My husband, Monty and my mom Edna.  But even they don't understand the full extent of it.  I still do my best to be strong for them.  Why?  Because I AM STRONG!

This blog is not a pity blog.  This blog is about empowerment.  This blog is about teaching others about the illnesses I have, what they have done to my body, my soul, and what I am going to be doing to get MY LIFE back.

At my last doctors appointment my doctor told me my only chance was bariatric surgery.  That is a real slap in the face.  But, I had looked into in the past and I "wasn't fat" enough at that point, and that was like 50-60 pounds ago.  No one wants to help me find out why I keep gaining weight, they just assume its will-power.    So, if it is, this surgery will be a cure-all - HAHA.   Yes...I like to eat certain foods - don't we all?  But, my mind is made up.  I am having gastric sleeve surgery.  Life altering surgery to lose weight.

I am putting my journey out for the world to see.  For the haters to hate.  For the fat shamers and body shamers to join in and tell me how fat and disgusting I am.  Go ahead - I've heard it all.

Day 1 - April 13.
I weigh in at 299 pounds.