Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Fat people - you'd think they'd bounce!




The last few posts have been way too serious so let’s get back to some laughter.  Do you know what is 
funny?  My friend Stacey is going to agree with me on this, people tripping  and falling.  You don’t mean 
to laugh, but you can’t help it.  

Why is it so funny?  Is it because of the faces they make?  The gestures they make trying to stop 
themselves from falling?  The way they play it off after they tripped, like hey I meant to do that?  I don’t
 know, but darn it, it’s funny, unless of course they got hurt, or they are disabled or something – I’m not
 an asshole. 

 

You know who fall down a lot?  Fat people!  Or, maybe just me.  I’m a fat people. I fall down a lot. 
Gravity isn’t my friend, never has been, probably never will be.  Just ask my kids.  I fall down stairs. 
I fall up stairs.  I trip over rocks; heck I trip over blades of grass.  I am a tripping mess!

  It reminds me of the old Looney Tunes skit…trippin’ &  trippin’ & trippin’ with Daffy Duck


 
One night leaving the bar I was walking along and yup, I tripped.  There was a hole in the sidewalk 
and I rolled my ankle and bam down I went.  Marie was like – Where did Cora go – down here!!!!!! 
 Up I pop.  Sprained my ankle. Ok, so the drinking had some to do with it, but there was a hole there
 I swear!

 
One day leaving DMV I am walking down the sidewalk in Montpelier and roll my ankle and I go flat
 on my face.  You guessed it, sprained my ankle again.  Graceful I am not. Down the street there was 
about 6 priests and not one of them came to help me.  Hmmmm not nice! Probably too busy standing 
there laughing!

 
Then, there was this time my husband and I were getting wood for the house.  I was standing in the 
back of the truck.  Now, I know enough not to jump out of the back of the truck.  I am fat after all. 
 It is going to hurt! Haha.  I ever so carefully climb down out of the truck; take 2 steps roll my ankle 
(anyone see a pattern here) and fall breaking my left hand.  Some people will do anything out of doing
 wood, me I break bones!   

 
My husband does not see the humor in people falling.  Maybe it is because generally when I fall I 
tend to hurt myself in some way, which is odd because as a fat person you would think that would 
cushion me somehow pfft see that doesn’t work! Then he ends up taking me to the ER and they 
always ask the dreaded question, “Are you safe at home”. Hell yes I’m safe at home. I’m just not 
safe on my own damn feet!

 
We had just left a friends baby shower and we had just gotten home.  I was carrying a pyrex dish
 and was walking to the house.  Guess what happened?  I ….. yup, rolled my ankle, and I went flat!  
 I landed square on that pyrex dish and it shattered.  Monty was freaking out!  I was like I’m fine.  
 He was like, OMG no you’re not there is blood everywhere, don’t move you could have shards in 
you, are you ok? I was pretty scraped up but no deep cuts, but yet another trip to the ER.  Ma’am are
 you safe at home?  Again I say, yes, I just cannot walk.

 
Somehow I have managed not to fall since I had my knee surgery, well, except for when I climbed on 
top of the chairs last year and that didn’t end well.  That was my own stupidity, and not my feet just 
not cooperating.  
 
Like I said, while I do find falling people funny, I am not an asshole.  We were at Thunder Road a 
few years ago and there was a group of young teenagers near us in the bleachers.  There was a teenager 
sitting on the grass in front of us.  She was about 15 years old and she was overweight.  She stood up 
and tripped over a rock or something and fell down.  The boys around me started laughing at her. 
 Then the poor girl stood up and tripped and fell down again, making them laugh even harder. She
 did this like 3 times, in front of a huge bleacher full of people.  I felt so bad for her.  I told those 
boys to shut up, how would they feel if they were the one down there.  They stopped.  So, see even 
though I think falling is funny I have my limits, but in the meantime, watch this video of people
 falling – HAHA

 

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