Knee Pain

In my last post we talked about Intracranial Hypertension.  I was diagnosed about a week-10 days before I had my left knee replaced in January 2013 when I was 41.  That was another great joy of being obese.

I had suffered from knee pain for years.  Since I was in high school my left knee would suddenly lock up for no reason.  No doctor would do an MRI or anything …. Did MRI’s exist in the 80’s???? Back then I was a TWIG, by twig I mean, when I had a physical in 1990 I weighed 114 pounds. I was a dancer growing up, taking jazz and tap lessons until I was 15 and my knee sidelined when it kept locking up.

(That's me on the right - wearing a turtleneck, sweater and jeans in AUGUST!)

Fast forward through my 20’s and 30’s my knee locks up and swells up occasionally and I grin and bear it.  Then, the dancing bug bites me again, this time in the form of clogging.  Don’t know what clogging is?  Remember All That from – the all male “tap” group from America’s Got Talent? That is clogging!  I started clogging in 2006. Now weighing in at probably 230-240.

In August of 2009 I went to the Doctor because of pain in my knee.  He said I probably had torn my meniscus.  He ordered an MRI and a referral to an orthopedist.  I had my MRI in September.  I saw the orthopedist on a Tuesday and she said I see a knee replacement in your future, and I was scheduled for knee surgery (not replacement) on Friday.

I didn’t give up dancing.  The pain in my knee didn’t stop.  The following Spring I went through a series of 6 shots in my knee.  That was about as fun as it sounds.  It offered no relief what so ever.  A few weeks later I had another shot of a different medicine.  No relief. 

A year later (2011) brings a referral to a different doctor in a different hospital.  More shots. More pain. The doctor agrees to go in and clean out my knee again and I agree to give up dancing.  My heart is sad. 

About 6 months later I’m still in pain.  I can’t walk.  My knee gives out all the time.  I fall down. A LOT.  I end up in the emergency room because I fall down and end up severely bruised every few months because of my stupid leg.  I say its time.  I get referred to the knee replacement dr.

Here is a pic from one said fall. 

After testing, my left knee is bone on bone, with bone spurs.  My right knee is really ok.  They don’t really want to do the replacement because I am so young, but it’s basically my only option.  Knee replacements are good for 15-20 years, so I will have to do it again in my lifetime. Replacement is set for January 2013. Total knee replacement at age 41.

Total knee replacement is NO JOKE!  That sh!t hurts!  Youtube that surgery. DAMN!  It takes about a full year to really recover, and your knee NEVER feels like your knee ever again.  I am 3 years post op and while I do not have the daily aching paid that I had before, I do not have full range of motion, I can’t kneel, I can’t jump, I can’t run.  I think about every. Single. Step. That. I. Take.  

The lymphatic drainage system was also damaged in my leg when my surgery was done so I will always have edema in my left leg and I will probably always have to wear, heavy duty, need a prescription, get a medical supply store, cover my beautiful tattoo compression stockings.

But ya know what????  I started clogging again this month.  I say as long as I don’t “jump” they aren’t taking my dancing away again!  Dancing – especially clogging, and my clogging family, brings me joy, and I deserve it.  I hurt like a mother trucker afterwards, but I don’t care!

So You Think Your Head Hurts

Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension.

Say that ten times fast.  Can you???  It also goes by the name Pseudo-tumor Cerebri.  In layman’s terms it means I have all the signs and symptoms of a brain tumor, but no brain tumor.  Good news no brain tumor!  Bad news you still have to live with all the symptoms of it AND all the symptoms of the medications and medical procedures of the diagnosis. L

What does it actually mean?  It means that either I have too much cerebrospinal fluid in my brain.  Either my body produces too much OR it doesn’t absorb it correctly.  Some people with this disorder get shunts.  There are several types available.  I am not shunted, and hope to never have to be.  There are medications available, and occasionally we get to have spinal taps to relieve some of the fluid to relieve the pressure – YAY (not!). 

What does it feel like to have IIH?  It feels like your head is in under constant pressure.  Your head hurts.  Every. Single. Day.  I’m not talking mild headaches either.  I’m talking migraine level and beyond.  You do somehow get used to this.  Sadly. Have you ever hung up side down as a child?  All the blood rushed to your head and your feels weird and your ears ring?  Yeah…. that’s me when my pressure is up.  No, not blood pressure.  It has nothing to do with blood pressure.  Know what else? I can actually hear my cerebrospinal fluid drain from my head as it goes down the back of skull.  It sounds like pop-rocks or a rain stick.  FUN TIMES!

There is an IUD that has been linked with causing IIH, but I never used that form of birth control.  The other main cause? Obesity. Yeah, because being fat causes everything to go wrong.  I’ve had some horrible experiences with doctors.  I’ve had some tell me….you are fat.  With IIH you have to see a neurologist, optometrist, and neuro-opthmalogist all on a regular basis.  So with just “this” illness I see my fair share of doctors.

IIH has a foundation called IHope.

http://theihopefoundation.net/

Even children who are not fat get this dreaded illness that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. 

HOPE – Hold On Pain Ends!

Someday this will be tattooed on me with the IH ribbon colors of blue & green. 

The Problem with Boobs.....

So I mentioned yesterday I hurt.  I’m fat.  Being fat hurts. (The next several days are going to talk about how being fat hurts … so be ready)  First of all I am large breasted by large breasted I mean I don’t buy bra’s at Victoria Secret’s, Kohl’s, J.C. Penney, or for that matter, I can’t even walk into Lane Bryant and buy a bra. Carrying around my 44G boobs everyday hurts my back.  Rough estimate, each boob weighs around 7-10 pound each.  The straps dig into my shoulders, the weight pulling on my shoulders and shoulder blades. So I challenge you....Go to the store - Buy the biggest bra you can find then go to the grocery store and buy 4 bags of flour and stuff them in your bra, because that's basically what I am carrying around.  Most bags of flour are 4-5 pounds.  Try it for a day - a FULL DAY.  24 full hours - tell me your back and shoulders don't hurt.  Sit straight, stand tall.  Come on - you can do it!

Let’s talk bras.  I pay about $50-$75 per bra.  I have about 3 bras in rotation at one time and they wear out every 4-6 months.  Do you know how fun it is to buy bras online?  44DDD could be $40 and come in 10 colors.  44F or G  - pfft - $55-$65 and suddenly only comes in white, nude and black.  Forget cute, sexy bras.  Yes…..there are places overseas you can order beautiful bras for large cup sizes, but not large band sizes, and they aren’t really supportive. And when you have REAL G boobs you need support!

My breasts are one of the first things people notice about me.  Everyone comments about them.  I am the big-busted friend.  You can’t help but notice them.  I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like them, and my husband loves them!  But….there is more to me than my boobs!

So, moving forward with the sleeve I realize I am going to be losing these big weights off my chest.  I actually look forward to that with trepidation.  Let’s face it, my boobs are real – so they sag, and I nursed 2 kids, so they sag, once I start losing weight and they lose even more density, ……(,)(,) they will really sag! Like orange in sock sag!  BUT – hopefully my insurance company will cover plastic surgery to help fix up this old body of mine and I’ll better looking boobs at the end of this journey. (o)(o)!

My life, my journey - Day 1

For the last several years I have battled several chronic health conditions.  I will get into each one independently in separate blog posts, but over time each one of them has dragged me down, physically, financially, and most of all emotionally.  I have hidden the true toll of what these illnesses have done to me.  You can see on the outside the weight I have gained from the medicines I have had to take, but what you can't see is how I feel on the inside.  You can't see the physical pain.  You can't see the emotional pain.  You can't see how much it hurts to be me every. Single. Day.  To get up every day and smile as though nothing hurts. To be there for everyone else.  You can't see what goes on in my head every day.  If you could you would wonder how I get up every day.  You would wonder how I have managed to work a full-time job, let alone work a 2nd part-time job.

Two people know a lot of what I am going through.  My husband, Monty and my mom Edna.  But even they don't understand the full extent of it.  I still do my best to be strong for them.  Why?  Because I AM STRONG!

This blog is not a pity blog.  This blog is about empowerment.  This blog is about teaching others about the illnesses I have, what they have done to my body, my soul, and what I am going to be doing to get MY LIFE back.

At my last doctors appointment my doctor told me my only chance was bariatric surgery.  That is a real slap in the face.  But, I had looked into in the past and I "wasn't fat" enough at that point, and that was like 50-60 pounds ago.  No one wants to help me find out why I keep gaining weight, they just assume its will-power.    So, if it is, this surgery will be a cure-all - HAHA.   Yes...I like to eat certain foods - don't we all?  But, my mind is made up.  I am having gastric sleeve surgery.  Life altering surgery to lose weight.

I am putting my journey out for the world to see.  For the haters to hate.  For the fat shamers and body shamers to join in and tell me how fat and disgusting I am.  Go ahead - I've heard it all.

Day 1 - April 13.
I weigh in at 299 pounds.